Mexico is a vastly large country with natural beauty ranging from sprawling mountains, a canyon larger and deeper than the US’ Arizona Grand Canyon, Pacific and Caribbean seasides, sinkholes, and the list goes on. There are small towns untouched by the corporate world. Some areas are evident in wealth and others in poverty.
1. But the one thing I can say unites all of Mexico together is their love for lime. Some people might think it’s their love of spice or tortillas (and those are not trailing far behind) but it’s the all encompassing ever-present lime that takes all the trophies. Obviously margaritas are made with lots of lime. But you wouldn’t expect it on your cheese flavored chips, right? They love lime so much that it’s not even disclosed on the bag because why wouldn’t you want lime chips? Lime-salt, lime chili powder, lime drinks, lime soup, tacos with lime, lime hot sauces… everything is inundated with lime. Once, they forgot to put a lime on my dish and the waiter looked genuinely pleased when I asked for some. Welcome to the lime club; lemons not allowed.
2. Tortillas are the major staple to any Mexican diet. They are hand-made all over the country and so fresh they melt in your mouth. Any meal basically comes with unlimited tortillas which appeals to the fat person in me and makes it impossible to lose weight, because tortillas. But it keeps people full, so there’s also that.
3. Every single table in a restaurant has hot sauce. Doesn’t matter if you’re at a pizzeria or McDonald’s. Hot sauce. Some simply in packaged bottles, but more often than not are hand-made salsas. Sometimes you will have a slightly milder version and other times you only get the burn-your-face-off version. I began associating the green tomatillo sauce with mild until I learned habañero is also often green. I cried while I ate it anyway. It hurt so good.
4. Ketchup is this opaque, syrupy sauce that tastes more like jam than tomato paste. I hoard Heinz ketchup packets like a squirrel.
5. Squirt and tequila are a thing here.
6. People get more friendly and the hot sauce less spicy the farther South you go. There are more smiles, less wariness of strangers, and less staring. In the Yucatan, strangers will walk by and say, “provecho (appetite)” while you eat.
7. Jumping in the ocean fully clothed is normal, regardless of economic status.
8. Toilet seats and seat covers are optional.
9. Cold showers are normal. Hot water is a luxery.
9. You cannot flush toilet paper through all of Mexico. You must place it in a waste basket. Tip: throw the paper used-side-down so you do not greet your fellow bathroom mate with your literal shit stain.
This must be why they only use scented toilet paper.
10. Stray dogs are everywhere. They are not looked kindly upon, often smacked or yelled at to chase them away.
Dogs who have owners will guard their homes from the roof, barking at you from above.
11. Oxxo is Mexico’s equivalent to 7-11. There is one, sometimes two, located on every block. Oxxo is owned by Coca-Cola.
12. Wal-Mart is present in semi-large to large cities. Bodega Aurrera is the Mexican equivalent to Wal-Mart and much more prevalent all throughout Mexico.
Wal-Mart owns Bodega Aurrera, along with nearly ONE HALF of the grocery market in Mexico.
13. Grocery baggers make nothing but what people leave them.
14. When you park your car outside a large grocery store, a man will cover your windshield with used cardboard to “keep it cool” and “help” you back out of your parking spot. If you don’t tip him, you’re pretty much a huge dick.
DRIVING ETIQUETTE:
Let me preface this section by saying the farther SE you get, the better the signs and roads get. Here on the Belizean border, driving is as comfortable as America. I cannot say the same for northern Mexico.
1. Without exception, all entrances and exits to towns and cities have gigantic topes (speedbumps). These speedbumps are not like your parking lot bumps. They’re more like speed hurdles. Sometimes they are unpainted and not all towns have a sign so sometimes you are driving 50 miles an hour and slam on your brakes until you hit that speed hurdle at only 30 miles per hour. Sometimes.
But luckily, there are signs for all the topes in southern Mexico and they look like this:
2. All the highways go through the cities, there is no bypass option. Getting in and out of cities is not intuitive either. While night driving, we found the plaza of a town by sheer luck and asked some cops how to continue on the highway. They just told us to follow. After 4 arbitrary turns (yes, 4), a sign appeared at the end of the street indicating the highway to the right. The Guy and I started cracking up because there was no way anyone would’ve found that street without prior knowledge. Other cities are much easier, but the smaller ones are certainly not.
3. When passing, keep the left blinker on until you have cleared the other car. If the car/truck in front of you puts on their left blinker, they are saying it’s ok to pass.
4. If there are two lanes, the left is used only for passing.
5. Sometimes, the stoplight will be horizontal with 3 lights. A solid red next to a solid green will be on at the same time. I still don’t know what the hell that means.
6. Some intersections are uno y uno, meaning act like you’re at a stop sign without the signs. Unless you’re on the busier street, then don’t stop, just go. Who’s to say what is considered busier? No one, just go. Or stop. Or do whatever the car in front of you is doing. Or get honked at, that’s an option too.
7. Roundabouts are nightmares. Good luck.
8. When coming to a stop on the highway (which there are many for any number of reasons), turn on your hazard lights so the car behind you doesn’t rear end you.
9. You CAN pass on a 2-lane highway with oncoming traffic because everyone will scoot to the edge to fit 3 cars on the road.
10. You will learn how to park.
FOOD
I’m not a big foodie picture taker, but here are some meals from North to South:
The food just keeps getting better.
But they do not understand burgers in Mexico. The meat always has vegetables or some other meats mixed in. The bun is either soggy or stale. Even at Chili’s, it had been sitting all day, was undercooked, greasy, and stale. No bueno.
Steak is also non-existent. They prefer meats thin sliced and seasoned. They fit better in tortillas that way.
Pizza sauce is a commodity. As a sauce lover, this made me not want to eat pizza, which I didn’t think possible.
But when you find a taco stand with hand-made tortillas, slow cooked meat, and an array of fresh toppings and salsas for under $1, you might think you’ve died and found taco heaven.
What I’m saying is, just stick to tacos 🙂
Oh, and watch out for those damned topes (speed “bumps”).
＂Buen provecho＂ Chinese: 請慢用！