Guatemala: Picturesque Landscape Meets Road Rage

Guatemala was absolutely stunning. Sprawling mountains against a backdrop of fog gave it a mystical appeal. On sunny days, the rolling hills continued back endlessly like something from a painting. It gave me the understanding that life IS what inspires art. Despite its beautiful scenery, many other factors contributed to Guatemalan  culture.

RANDOM THINGS

1. Roosters, pigs, and chickens ran all over the country roads.
2. Country dogs were very polite, consistently stepping off the road until cars went by before continuing on their way.
3. Young women and old women alike carried things on their head. Large things. Their balancing acts seemed effortless and were perfected to a fine art. 
4. Child labor ran rampant.

   

5. It was a great place to find adventure due to its lack of safety precautions and prevalent drinking.
6. Deforestation was a thing.

   

   It was evident many houses had no electricity at all. Who says time travel is not a real thing?

7. They had more dead roadside dogs than I’d ever seen. One laid on the side of the road with rigor mortis, forever frozen in a standing position. It looked stuffed.
8. Belize and Guatemala didn’t like each other. Your exchange rate for Belizean dollars WILL be awful.
9. But Guatemalans also had a sense of humor.

   

   

   

   

DRIVING

1. Guatemala has a reputation for bad drivers. After one week in the country and I was convinced they didn’t live up to that reputation.
2. I was wrong.
3. Many road signs said, “No rebase/adelantar (no passing).” Guatemalans make it their goals in life to adelantar, even if they’re just going to slam on their brakes to make the nearest turn.
4. Many of their stop lights had a countdown, which was convenient.
5. Their major highways had multiple lanes and were in excellent condition. Other roads were hardly maintained.
6. Really young guys drove semi-trucks. Consequently, we passed by several partially driven off the mountainside and hanging precariously by the weight of their loads. Even worse, one flipped on its side with huge steel poles all over the road and the driver’s brains splattered all over the cab.
7. Remember the horror of Mexico’s topes? In Guatemala, topes were called tumulos (speed bumps) and most of them were knocked out or shaved down. Because in Guatemala, we do what we want.
8. People rode buses on the OUTSIDE, sitting on the roof or hanging onto side metal handles, just chillin’. If someone fell off, then too bad.
9. Old US school buses were used as chicken buses, but were decorated quite nicely.
10. Driving in Guatemala City was terrifying. I survived by singing Charles Aznavour’s For Me Formidable at the top of my lungs while trying not to become the meat of a semi-truckwich.
11. I like to drive with an arm hanging out the window. Really bad idea. Motorcyclists squeezed by and nearly took my arm with them more than once.
12. Sometimes parts of mountain passes would be completely washed out. If you’re not careful, you might fall off the side.
13. They lacked proper signage, which is why the GPS app Wayz (works off satellite, no cell service necessary) was a godsend for Latin American roads.

FOOD

1. They ate their vegetables and plates were colorful.
2. But as far as taste buds were concerned, it was quite bland and nothing to write home about.
3. Their hot sauce was not hot.

4. 

   

   

   

   

   

   

Guatemala was stunning, but they had their problems too. This picture of a smoking bus is a great example of what I mean:

We got our best gas mileage in Guatemala, but they also drive around looking like a hot mess.